Reaching the Summit
Hello again, friends. Today, July 1 2010, marks the mystical date that basketball fans have waited for. The free agency period officially begins, and teams have been unleashed to woo the likes of LeBron, Dwyane, Chris, Dirk, Joe, A'mare, and others to join their squad. The tri-state area has both of their horses in the race, as the Knicks and Nets have spent months and months getting rid of bad contracts and clearing salary cap space in an effort to land one or even two big names.
As if the free agency frenzy wasn't exciting enough, the basketball world found out that James, Wade, Bosh, and others planned to meet in a 'summit' to discuss each other's futures. Many purists and pundits called the potential disgraceful in terms of the competitive spirit of the game. The asked if Jordan or Bird would ever be caught dead participating in such tomfoolery. Nevertheless, everyone agreed that very little could be done in terms of stopping this summit, and sure enough the three big guns reportedly met in Florida for their big chat.
In any event, everyone associated with basketball has been saying that they would love to be a 'fly on the wall' during this summit. Well have no fear. NY Sport Blog is your wall, and Conor Reilly is your fly. Here is the exact dialogue of NBA free agency 2010, with a 0.01% margin of error...
SOMEWHERE ON THE 4TH FLOOR OF A MIAMI EMBASSY SUITES...
(LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade all sitting at a roundtable, eating Go-gurts.)
Lebron James: Gentlemen, welcome to my...uh, our big discussion about free agency. I know I said it would only be us three, but I thought about it and decided to invite all the other guys too. Come on in, guys.
(Dirk Nowitzki, A'mare Stoudemire, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, David Lee walk in with big smiles. At the back of the line, a mystery figure rushes in head down with his hood pulled up.)
Chris Bosh: Who dat fool in the hood?
LeBron: Intruder, identify yourself!
Mystery Figure: You know this wouldn't be a real summit without your boy...
(Pulls down hood to show his face)
Stephon Marbury: STARBURYYYYY!
Dwyane Wade: Oh, God.
LeBron: Stephon you can stay, but I's making it clear now that none of us are going to play with you and the only reason we're letting you stay is because I'm 100% certain you have some kind of weapon on you.
Stephon: Wise choice, LeBron! I'm starving, you guys wanna go to the concession stand and get some vaseline?
Dirk Nowitzki: Dah, dah. Ze' skin on my das boot has been bohthering me faw howas.
Stephon: Sure thing, German. I'll be right back!
(Marbury leaves. Every player except Dirk sprints to the door to lock it. Everyone puts the table, chairs, refrigerator, and beds to reinforce the locked door.)
Dirk: Vwhat ah you doing? Howevah will my das boot get mois-tuh-ized?
David Lee: Quiet your pipes down, Mr. Nowitzki. Come on fellows, we are present here in this beautiful hotel to discuss our basketball endeavors. Now if we all pay attention to Mr. James, this arduous process will commence ever-more-smoothly.
LeBron: Thank you, David. Now, everyone knows that I'm the big prize of free agency. Only one, maybe two of you will have the highest honor of playing alongside me and riding my coattails. Everything discussed here will go a long way in deciding who makes it. Now, let me put on some tunes to get this thing going.
(LeBron turns on a stereo, Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus starts blasting.)
Joe Johnson: What is this garbage, man? Gimme some KeSha, fool!
LeBron: Get out.
Joe: Huh?
LeBron: If you doubt my music selection, how the hell can I trust you not to doubt me on the court? If you don't wanna get down to Miley you can just get the f*** out.
(Johnson departs the room sad and confused.)
LeBron: Anyone else got a problem with the music?.....Good. Now, for the duration of this summit, I am no longer LeBron James. You will all call me LeBronasaurus Rex. Any questions?
Chris: I guess that makes me the veloci-RAPTOR, eh? Hahaha.
David: Your selection of humor is unappealing to me, Christopher.
Chris: Nah man, my jokes are impeccable. I was on the Toronto Raptors, so I shoulde be the velo--
A'mare: There's a team in Toronto??
Dirk: Where's Toronto?
LeBron: SILENCE! Bosh, you started all this worthless talk. In my team huddle, I need guys that are gonna keep their mouths shut and give me the ball. So you can get the f*** out.
(Bosh walks out like a raptor trying to make everyone laugh. Nobody does.)
LeBron: This is harder than I thought. Why can't y'all just grovel at my feet and beg to play with me? Isn't that what those writers are telling you.
David: Actually Mr. James, even though you're a tremendous talent, it means just as much to me that you're a kind, humble person that--
LeBron: Get the f***out.
David: I'll leave Mr. James. Just know that you really hurt my feelings today.
A'mare: I gotta take a dump. So i'm just gonna leave.
LeBron: Sit yo' ass down. Nobody leaves until I tell them to get the f***out!
A'mare: Nah...I'm just gonna dump.
(A'mare leaves.)
Paul Pierce: LeBron, True Blood is on in five minutes. Can I put it on without you telling me to get the f*** out?
LeBron: You kiddin' me? That show's the best. I like you Paul. Would you like to be the Robin to my Batman?
Paul: Can I be Alfred?
LeBron: Get the f*** out.
(LeBron, Dirk, and Dwyane are the only three left. All look nevous)
Dwyane: Ok guys. I've been quiet long enough. The Heat have enough money to sign all three of us. Let's all stay here in Miami and win five straight championships.
LeBron: Well, that's fine. But if I'm gonna be a billionaire, I gotta be the man, Dwyane. You've already won a championship, I haven't. If I win them all with you on the team, how am I gonna be the greatest ever? So I'll come to the Heat, but I don't wanna win unless I'm the hero. Can you promise me that?
Dwyane: Ugh, I'm getting the f*** out.
(Wade leaves, flipping the bird to James and bowing respectfully to Dirk.)
Dirk: American, where eez that gentleman weeth my Vaseline?
LeBron: Get the f*** out.
(Nowitzki limps out.)
(LeBron looks around the empty room.)
LeBron: Damn. I've waited so many years for this to happen. How could this day get any worse? I better call mama and get some advice.
(Picks up his cell phone and dials)
A strange male voice on the line: Gloria's phone...
LeBron: Who the hell is this? Wait.... DELONTE???
Posted by Conor Reilly at 7/1/2010 9:44 AM 
Categories: LeBron James, NBA Free Agency, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade
Tags: LeBron James NBA Free Agency Chris Bosh Dwyane Wade
Categories: LeBron James, NBA Free Agency, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade
Tags: LeBron James NBA Free Agency Chris Bosh Dwyane Wade
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